Not Fighting the Fight

I won't respond to your anger,
I won't answer your call,
I won't fall into your fear,
I won't listen to your cry.

It is taking every bit of me not to push back.

I am not going to save you this time, cancer.

Sibling Rivalry

I won't believe in this cancer, in this disease.

I won't accept the pain, the discomfort and the uncertainty as proof that the cancer has power over me.

I won't invest in the fear that its stronger then me, then God, then all else.

I won't allow this affliction to rob me of who I am, what I believe in, or crack the foundation of my faith.

I'm not falling into the darkness and despair or the hopeless visions that so pull at me.

Though the arrows come from every side, attacking in my weakest moments, my faith tethers me to the Truth and Light.

I will not drown in these shadow of lies.

What Numbers Tell You

One in 8. That's how many people will get cancer.

I know more then 8 people, and none of them have cancer.

Maybe they mean if you followed 8 people, from birth to death, one of them will get it.

If I had a party with all the people I know, there would be at least 75 people, and none of them have cancer, but me.

Maybe the statistics for those my age would be different, like one in 40, one in 60, one in 100?

I think God has a special message for cancer patients, He wants us to take the time to prepare ourselves for departure, to want us to linger in the moment; the long, long space of time between now and then. He is teaching us something, as well as those around us. How deeply our life is affected, in so many individual different ways, both good and bad.

I imagine having a party to celebrate my cancer.
It seems so contrary yet not half bad idea. It could be a party to celebrate my life and those around me. Everyone would want to come. It would be like having your first birthday party.