I could be a patient, I know how to do that. Afterall, I spent years in practice. Now they say I'm better, maybe not perfectly well but so much more then before. Why does this cause me so much confussion?
No longer as I was, the job of just coping with the drugs and staying alive as well as I could, I feel thrust back out into everyday life, trying to catch up to what I forgot. I'm not sure I want to be here cause I don't know what I'm supposed to do, it's just all so different, the places and the people are not the same as when I last saw them.
And me, I feel this anguish, that I have been removed from my special place which was a effortless privilelge in sickness, but now I have to make much work to keep myself close to by. So I pray that I will not be away, not for one minute, cause it's out here where I need Him the most of all.
It frightens me the way the world is so empty and hostile. I look into strange eyes and I see a gray existence lined with boredom, despair, and no sign of you, Lord, except for the special ones that swim around here, at least one in every place, smiling at me as if it were You reaching out through them.
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