Playing Dress Up

Sometimes I pretend to be like everyone else.

I like to talk about the lastest thing my kids are doing,
or chat about a favorite recipe.

Or maybe reveal my feelings of a troubled relationship from the past,
or bore you with my perspective on politics, people or life in general.

But it would be nice to spend a little time thinking about how its almost time to get a haircut,
or go out shopping for some new clothes without worrying about getting sick from crowd exposure.

What about wondering where I'll go on a vacation far away? And to think nothing about going on a rugged 8 mile hike through the desert mountain, that was fun, as I recall?

I'd like to be as everyone else and have full use and the appeal of a normal looking left arm/hand, but sometimes I forget that it is swollen and try and use it like its not.

If I was healthy again, I could pretend to be like everyone and think I have a future before me. Then I can plan where I'd be, what I'd be doing, and who I'd be with.

But right now I'm here in the midst of treatment, in the middle of not knowing, inbetween health and disease.

Sometimes I forget that I'm here, only to be rudely reminded to put off all decisions for now -

and perfect living for the moment, regardless of where I'm presently standing.