Everyday Duality

Cancer/free of cancer?

Sick/well?

Disabled/active?

Dying /living?

Others cannot properly understand the ordeal I just faced. They offer no compensation for recovery time. I either have cancer or I don't. This is either too hard or too easy. I'm either a disaster or a miracle.

When did I stop being seen as human?

Best Offer

God is just waiting for your permission to bless you.

As a Mustard Seed

PET Scan results: No detectable signs of disease! No more cancer, no more chemo, no more fear!
Believe it!
He DOES what He says He can do! He DOES what no one else can!

Nothing is Impossible

I know in my heart, with absolute certainty, that God can heal me.

The question is will I let Him?

Yes, I WILL LET HIM.

1000 Thoughts

What if...
the results of my PET scan came out perfect, no signs of cancer seen?
That would be mirculous.

What if...
my PET scan showed some improvement, but more treatment is needed?
That would be challenging.

What if...
my PET scan showed little to no improvement, but a stable condition?
That would be disappointing.

What if...
my PET scan came out as bad as can be, the cancer has spread into my lungs, or my liver?
That would be devasting.

Mirculous, challenging, disappointing, devastating translate into
happy, frustrating, sad, and angry moment to moment feelings.

Privately I don't want to settle for any but the first one -

Only God knows where He wants me.

The Truth Hurts

If I don't ask myself why this has happened to me, then I will have learned nothing from the experience.

Seeping into the Cracks

I can feel the chemo has become a part of me.
Rather then pass through me, it has soaked into my bones.

For now it stays inside of me.