Double-edge Latte

My oncologist wants to kill a part of me, the cancer part.

I wonder what part of me that will kill. Will it be my thoughtful moments, or my angry rage? Will I be a better person when that bad part of me is gone?

I never thought cancer was really about cancer. I know it's more then that, it's about me.

So how can I agree to kill a part of me. There is a part of me that wants to protect myself, is that not normal? Yet here I have to agree to be poisoned, in order to protect myself?

Do I love my cancer if I sometimes want to nurture it, the cancer, which is actually me? They are my self-initiated malignant cells, after all.

Can I be sort of proud of their (my) tenacity, endurance and proliferation? I almost want to root for them.

But then why am I killing them, if they are a part of me.

They are killing me and I am killing them, which is me.