Falling off the Fence

The scales have tipped. The cancer has taken over. It has succeeded in spreading all over the bones in my body.

If the cancer is me, then I am killing myself slowly and painfully.

I can no longer handle this on my own. It is not going to go away because I change my diet, or heal painful memories, or will it away.

I am no longer thinking of full recovery, I am now in survival mode.

There is nothing I can do on my own to make it disappear. I need outside help.

To think my body is capable of producing such destruction on its own is hard to grasp. What's more difficult is trying to figure out why.

It is a short leap to fall into a desperate state of feeling out of control and full of fear. Somehow I haven't completely submerged into that murky area.

It is a fine, delicate line to not resist what is happening to me and trust I am in His hands. Only my faith keeps me a float.