Accidental

Denial. Some people like to throw that word around.

I wonder if it is true that I deny my cancer? If I don't sit around feeling sorry, or dwell on the unpleasantness, does that make me unable to confront my disease?

It's true I have no patience with the cancer warrior or "fighter" image. Being here is a struggle, not an honor. It doesn't help to complain about the horrors of treatment, and it doesn't make me feel tough cause I'm having to go through it.

Denial. Am I denying the face of my disease just by getting up everyday and trying to forget, to some extent, that I have cancer?

Call it denying the truth, if you want.

Tell me how to do it? We are not taught this thing. We are only told how to live. No one gave out instructions on how to be a cancer patient, or even how to die as one.

I can only focus on the glowing ember, or the ash of destruction.