From the Outside-In

I hate chemo. I hate thinking about it, talking about it, hearing about it.

Some people want to talk about it all day, the challenges and unpleasantness. Maybe it makes them feel like some sort of warrior for having endured it?

I don't feel like a warrior; not brave or full of courage. I do what I have to do, thats all. I hate it, and am always scared of it. There is no hero like quality to facing cancer or its treatment. I am only here to get through it and past it.

My own survival depends on my abitlity to see beyond my cancer, my mortality, my situation, my dislikes, my fears, my challenges - EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.

Don't admire my strength, don't pity my life, don't be glad it's not happening to you, don't wish you were here, don't stand at a distance, don't invade my space, don't run away from me.

What you know about me, you don't know. What you don't know about me, you already know.

Just talk with me, my beloved friends.

And he said unto him, if they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither
will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.